There are occasions in this project where I talk about the pitfalls of my tendency to promote values by repeating behaviors — you know… sometimes we refer to it as “consistency.” Before I realized its fallacy, I thought that was part of being a good person. But, today I don’t really care as much for it, much less convention, whatever that means.

Nowadays I don’t even know what I believe. But does it matter? Because even logic is arbitrary.

It still bothers me that I cycle back and forth with different life decisions — big and small — and often cannot come to a definitive conclusion. Although I realize in reality it isn’t necessary that I do, for some reason I feel a little bit of helplessness in the web of considerations and my feeble attempts at maintaining a consistency of philosophy.

But this is a good awareness. It shows me how much ego plays into the way I think. None of this wavering is truly meaningful, and I’m free to change my damn mind as much as I want. Even the philosophical consistency is unnecessary!

I just don’t want to be a slave to rationality — or even irrationality. Doesn’t that mean I should just forget being definitive in any way and arbitrarily settle on a basis to decide something and forget about alternatives?

Seems like it.