The seeking of optimization is a human construct. I’m not sure how much value I put into it, but my brain continually gives me related tasks for exploration, especially this time of year — when it ends. Based on my philosophy, I don’t even recognize the calendar unless it’s necessary for coordination with someone or something, yet here I am, a slave to the old personality I had 20 years ago.

The accumulation of what I call “my” experience ironically tells the thinking part in me to value everything less and just be, at least as much as possible. But thoughtless routine dominates without a constant reevaluation of my thoughts.

If I follow impulsive cues, I organize my journal to the nth degree; devise new ways to automate writing and creativity; spend time looking for better in whatever I do.

What does any of this even mean? I realize this is an endless process, mostly suggested by businesses who want my money — but goddamn it, better is seductive. Who doesn’t have ambition?

There must be a balance; without one, I would never have changed my process to review my personal writing and make this entry. Doing so is confusing, it only tells me to stop and live and forget this shit. Awareness has its uses, but is this the best way to get there?