![The media file [Christian] is by CallahanFreet.](/artists/christian/christian_head_hu5cef231d8f4180b7a037182f38f41a4e_11594_800x0_resize_q82_h1_box_2.webp)
Death cannot explain itself. The earnestness consists precisely in this, that the observer must explain it to himself.
The only unique aspect of my personality and its changes is that it is mine; everyone is similar, only your context differs. Yet despite our common traits, there is meaning to be found in the fine points, which are really only valuable if we consider them.
In my case, life’s evolution has left me with what I believe in the West is a set of uncommon perspectives. The longer I am alive, the less I care for generally accepted conventions of science, psychology, and social etiquette: what we say or believe we “know” really has no impact on me or anyone else. In the end, we describe our reality — be it in the physical, emotional, or purely theoretical realm — only within our own limited constructions. And we are fooling ourselves if we believe our observations are comprehensive.
![The media file [Knowledge, Part III] is by CallahanFreet.](/works/52weeks/2021/1218/20211218_hu1d6d9d588c99784f7bc08137f2e56e05_259434_800x0_resize_q82_h1_box_2.webp)
Since understanding that observation defines self, relationships have become my focus; I can ask internal questions all I want, but the attachment is too strong to get any kind of unbiased reply. So it seems like the real value of knowing others is the feedback. Friendship used to be a measure of disclosure, but nowadays I'm simply keen to observe the reaction when people get to know me better.
After nearly fifty years, I’m finally comfortable with my admittedly very narrow perspective. My ignorance is elective: I don’t care to know anything or be anyone. My only ambition is to my family, but given my goals include diluting my own personality to a more observational level, even that has a limit.
I’ll be the first to admit upon your deeper observation of these words that my own philosophy is flawed and often contradictory. I don’t really care. I’ve recently proven to myself that life is more about its refinement than the pursuit of an absolute truth anyway, so what difference does it really make if I’m right or wrong about anything.
Yet, as long as I’m here, I have to live among you other human beings, and more often than not, we disagree about a lot. It is only because of the luxury of our coincidental birth in this place and time that I don’t have to worry about my dissent from convention — but I do often think about how to maintain relationships when I see so little evidence that others are willing to detach from the outside world and truly think for themselves.
I’m grateful at least that I am so goddamn lucky to be aware enough to ponder out-loud. But then again, I’m not sure I believe in luck, either, so…