An actual text message (without the fancy formatting) to my real wife:

I open up my iPad and there is a notification about this news article: “What does the coronavirus do to your body? Everything you need to know about the infection process.” First of all, this is why I’ve turned off almost all the notifications on my phone and computer. That happened a while back. Second, I no longer look at any news. None. Not even Facebook or Instagram for the past week. Okay Instagram once for about 20 seconds but that’s it.

I don’t want to know anything because it’s all fake. Hell what I “know” is fake anyway, why would I want to hear what someone else thinks they “know”? So I’m going on hiatus from everything that doesn’t originate from my immediate vicinity. Of course that is an extension, but so what, I make the mutha fuckin rules.

Whatever it is, I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to meet new people. Not one more, as long as I live, for the rest of my life. That’s the same as old people. Try it if you want. Be like, 'Hey, Grandpa! I want you to meet Steve.' And he’ll go, 'Fuck Steve.'

That’s me. To the world.