My life story is probably similar to yours, even if its duration is different. I spent the first 40 years of it as a trial and error experiment, constantly reacting by instinct and then testing afterwards how I felt, and the only thing I learned is that I suck at leading a life this way. Now, when I feel anything, I mostly ignore it because, as long as I can remember, making decisions based on feelings has never turned out well. Of all the things we are taught, none of it is ever about how to use our emotions, and I suppose that’s because no one really knows what to do with them.

Just do what feels right

After all the years of completely misinterpreting the presence of emotion as a mandate for following them, now I understand how useless they are. I’m convinced if I lived the rest of my life on the pure consideration of rationality, I would do quite well and would’t miss out on any significant aspect of being alive. In fact, life would probably be better. So, now I’m attempting to change it all with a new perspective, and I’m starting with the big one.

Fuck. Love.

How I didn’t realize until my recent conclusion that love is so stupid, I’ll never know. For instance, can someone please tell me why in the hell we celebrate it MORE on one day a year than all the rest? It is the epitome of self-absorption. It assumes. It needs. At its best it is empty, and it’s an irrational motivation to make dumbass decisions when we use it severely.

But worst of all, love is irresistible. As much as I want to rid myself of this narcissistic, seductive emotion, I question whether I can fully let go — even though I know it’s only an obstacle to the empty bliss of joy.