I’m sure people think I frown a lot, but it isn’t so much out of anger than that’s just what my face looks like most of the time.

Anger was once a common emotion for my past self. If you’ve never felt anger that made you want to throw up, congratulations. If you’ve never had enough anger to send you into a panic attack I envy you. If you’ve never had so much anger that you had sweaty palms, gritted your teeth until you felt they would break, been so angry you legit had to sit down because you got light headed, or had your heart in your eyes and ears, I’m telling you that you aren’t missing anything. I swear tears are hotter when you angry cry.

The first “angry” story I remember my parents telling about me is when I was learning to tie my shoe. I couldn’t get it so I threw them across the room. Cute story.

Growing up I used to throw my stuff around when I got frustrated with stupid things like not being able to get my fitted sheets on correctly. My siblings and I dubbed it as me “blowing my bananas”. No comment.

When something frustrated me from 19-22 I used to calmly go to my car, turn the radio on super loud, and scream.

Fast forward to when I was a new nursing mother who had a lactose intolerant baby but at the time didn’t know it. One night the boy cried so long and loud I put him in his bassinet and threw a blanket down. It landed on his feet and that was my first moment in life that I mentally stopped and said whoa. I threw a blanket down in a moment of “why won’t you stop crying” anger. That could’ve ended differently.

One time, for whatever the reason, I got so mad I threw a screw driver across the room. It bounced off the television and left a dent in the wall. Another whoa moment.

I don’t even know who that person is any more. Yes, I still get mad. It’s just how I react to that anger. I really try to first check-in with myself. I pay attention to my heart beat, my breathing… did the hair on my arms stand up? Did I clench my teeth, or can I feel it in my lower back? If I answer yes to any of these, I physically remove myself from the situation, or mentally I check out.

I don’t expect everything to be perfect. I don’t expect everyone to be perfection. I do know I am done with all the negativity. I’m a work in progress.

I’m just going to continue to focus on being the care free, do what I want, when I want type being I ultimately aim to be. Life is too spectacular and too brief to focus on anything else.

Seriously everyone should do themselves a favor and just strip down for a naked romp.